I’ve had some thoughts on this subject recently because so many people that complain about stuff get responses about how they just need to “be positive” and “choose your emotions” and what-not. So I thought I’d post my ideas on the matters of the mind :)
I’ve been to seminars, read some good books, listened to smart, successful people talk about how important and life changing positive thinking is. While I completely agree with the majority of everything I learned, I think it can get a little too extreme at times.
If you haven’t any knowledge about the powers of positive thoughts, PLEASE read a article or two about it. Very inspiring and powerful stuff. I truly believe people can be happier, less stressed, and live better lives if they choose to be grateful, tell themselves positive affirmations, and focus their thoughts on kindness, thankfulness and positiveness.
But I do see a trend happening lately where someone will post something on a social site, or talk about in a group setting, that is negative and either complaining about something bad that happened to them or how pissed off they are about something. These include big issues and minor issues. Then I will see either myself (haha guilty) or someone else give advice about how they need to choose to be happy and not let yourself get so upset about the said issue.
So many times do I see people telling someone else that they need to “choose their feelings”, “don’t get so emotional about it”, and “Think only positive thoughts and you won’t be bothered by what bad things happen in your life”
That gets just as annoying as the person who is complaining and being negative!
I’m not saying giving advice about being a more positive person is bad, it’s just the extreme comments about how you shouldn’t let anything affect you. That’s not healthy nor is it natural. We are humans. Not robots. We have emotions for a reason. Yes we need to learn how to control them to a degree. Don’t overreact about things. Don’t dwell on the past or things you can’t change. But forcing yourself to ignore how you really feel can be damaging and worse than letting yourself have a pity party for a moment.
There is a finesse about how to do this I’m learning. But here is the pattern that I try to go with when I get hurt or mad or upset about something someone did to me, someone treating me badly, something not working out how I hoped, or any other let downs life brings. Please bare with me. I’m just a young gal trying to figure out my own journey through life, but I do find that this really helps me instead of just shoving my feelings away and actually getting more upset in the end because I never faced or dealt with them in the beginning thanks to all that mind controling!
If you find yourself upset do this:
1. Accept the fact you have been hurt or bothered. I’ve noticed most the time that if I am really mad about something it’s because my feelers have been hurt.
If it is a small issue that doesn’t involve something that keeps happening and keeps getting to you. Then choose to let it go and not dwell in a victim mentality. If it is a bigger issue and really really got you on the other side of happy, then it may need some examining to really be able to get over. I’m not talking about horrible things that happen like death or traumatic experiences. I do believe that there is a time for grief in those situations and a time of healing, and then a time to be positive, live your life and not focus on the things you can’t change.
2. Once you understand why you are upset, figure out if something needs to be changed to prevent that from happening again, and what you would have to do to change your circumstances. “People will show you just how much you mean to them not by their words, but by their actions.”
3. Don’t talk about it on social sites!! Please keep the pity party within your diary or trusted listeners like friends and family. If you insist on sharing your misfortune virtually, try to do it with some grace and class. Don’t bash people and spread rumors. That’s not going to make you feel better, even if you think it will. It won’t!
4. It actually is healthy to express your emotions by getting them out in some way. If it is a big enough deal, talk about it with your bestie, and then let it go and don’t keep talking about it. Or write it down. I’ve heard writing down things like that really does help you heal faster. My favorite methods are listening to pick me up music that makes me feel better than everyone. Hahaha seriously if my feelers are hurt I need a little confidence boost! Then I like to shoot guns or ride my horse and workout. Do SOMETHING don’t just talk about your problems to get over them. This is a huge part in actually starting to feel good.
5. Give yourself that time right after you are upset to be upset. Then move on. Don’t keep thinking about it. Think about the good things going on in your life. Be thankful. Think about how you can serve someone else. I think this is the most important part in living a positive life and choosing to be joyful and grateful. Do something for someone else and stop thinking about yourself. If you are serving someone else then you won’t have time to worry about your problems as much. And before you know it, you won’t even remember why you let yourself get so riled up about things.
I truly believe that giving yourself a moment to accept the fact you were upset about something is healthy. If it is a really small issue then try as quickly as you can to let it go and not think about it at all. Think happy thoughts about yourself and count your blessings. You have to practice this every day. But you will see a change in your life if you do it.
I notice when I am real with myself and admit when I’m hurt I can have my time of being affected, and then I have my time of letting it go, forgiving, and then choosing to focus my thoughts on other things that are good.
You let other people down, and every one will let you down at some point in some way, except Christ. Don’t hold everyone to a standard that can’t be reached. But require respect and loyalty from those you let in your life and you will start to see that the people who don’t give any of it, won’t be worth your time anymore.
I don’t write this coming from a place of having it all figured out and doing everything the right way. But sharing these thoughts with you essentially helps me most and reminds me to live my life this way.
Share your opinions and comments please!
“I don’t know the actual meaning of Maturity. But for me, maturity is when a person hurts you, and you try to understand their situation rather than hurting them back”